A Current Debate
I vividly remember my childhood experiences related to children’s church, when children of a certain age exited the sanctuary and entered a classroom to participate in a specialized program. I was always too nervous to go, so I would sit next to my mother for the duration of the service. The concept of children’s church never seemed controversial to me. It was not until a few years of experience as a youth pastor and a few semesters of seminary that I discovered how charged the topic of children’s church could be.
Children’s church does not encapsulate all of the larger ecclesiological implications of the issue at hand. There are many opinions on the role of church and home as it relates to the discipleship of children and youth. Some view specialized children’s and youth ministries to be unbiblical and therefore in need of termination. However, others have sought to argue for the biblical and theological precedents for such ministries. I personally see value in several perspectives and purposefully try to protect myself from erring via an adherence to needlessly polarizing views on either side. I find helpful guidance in the book of Hebrews.
The Church Gathered
It is very common at youth ministry conferences to hear presenters say something to this effect: “Youth are not the church of tomorrow. Youth are the church of today!” This statement is normally met with applause and a general sense of validation from those in attendance. However, this statement rarely translates to tangible practices within the local church. I believe this is, in part, due to an over-reliance on specialization which can have detrimental results on the church. Hebrews 10:23-25 (ESV) will help us begin to shed light on this issue:
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
In verse 25, the author of Hebrews highlights a trend that must have been occurring: some were not in the habit of meeting together as a gathered local congregation. The instruction to not neglect meeting together is made even more sobering by the author’s inclusion of the phrase “as you see the Day drawing near” (v. 25). The ready expectation of the Lord’s return prompted action in the lives of believers—there is no time to waste in encouraging one another to commit to faithfully meeting. Likewise, take a look at Hebrews 3:12-14:
Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.
Committing to consistently meet as a physically gathered local congregation is not meant for entertainment, nor is it primarily self-serving. In fact, meeting together with your church is an essential weapon to be used in fighting for one another’s spiritual health. Isolation can and will impede your spiritual growth. While opinions abound related to what a Sunday morning service should look like, one thing is clear: we are meant to regularly, actively, and effectively exhort one another to love and good works. A church that that develops a culture of encouragement and support in this way is actively shepherding their people toward a strengthened training in perseverance. In light of who Christ is, what He has done, and what He will do, we must exhort one another in the faith!
So What About Children’s Church?
The charge to meet together is clear, but what does it have to do with children? If you are a children’s church leader, praise God for you. If you are a pastor who has designed a children’s church structure in order to serve your people and seek the most effective ways of educating children in the faith, praise God for you. Do not be discouraged!
However, we must consider if separating children from their parents and other generations on Sunday mornings has served as a slow-drip departure from what the author of Hebrews describes in chapter 3 and chapter 10. Will children’s church stop exhortations to love and good works? Not necessarily. However, what are the children missing by experiencing a worship service away from the rest of the body? What are other generations missing from the children in the next room? Could churches unwittingly disregard the warning of Hebrews 10:25 by separating the flock? It is certainly possible. The charge and warning of Hebrews 3 and 10 should cause church leaders to consider how every age can be together as a non-negotiable feature of Sunday mornings. Children need to be encouraged in their faith by older generations in the church. Senior adults need to be encouraged in their faith by younger generations in the church, and the same is true for every age in between. This process is too important and involved to occur in the foyer on the way in and out of the worship service.
What We Try To Do
Our family and our church do not have it figured out, but we do hope to find and practice a healthy balance. My wife and I are committed to keeping our children with us during the entirety of the Sunday morning worship experience, but we also believe our children benefit greatly from the staff and volunteers who lead specialized classes for them. In light of these convictions, we try to attend one service together and allow our children to attend a class, tailor-fit to their developmental stage, during the second service. We believe that having children remain with the adults in the service can serve as a discipleship opportunity for everyone involved, and carries with it many other amazing opportunities. In this setting, we are able to share with our kids how to worship, what it looks like to take communion, how to avoid the entertainment culture that has influenced the church over the last several decades, and much more. Additionally, we believe involving our kids in specialized programing creates the opportunity for other godly adults in the church to pour into our children while also introducing them, in an intentional way, to the other children who are a part of the congregation. This is our plan, but I realize that our situation may be unique.
Some Other Ideas
It is not lost on me that many churches do not provide the option of serving in one service and attending another. You might be a part of a church plant or replant that cannot, at this time, accommodate multiple services. Every church is unique. In light of this, I wanted to give a few options for your consideration.
First, if you are feeling led to keep your children in the worship service with you, come prepared and understand that it will not go perfectly. Free yourself from unrealistic expectations. Children will make noise and more, but this is okay. Be patient. Your kids will surprise you with how they become accustomed to the culture of the church service.
Church leaders, put parents at ease from the stage. Make children feel welcome by acknowledging them and greeting them with energy. Make parents feel welcome by affirming their choice to keep their kids with them. This cannot be a task relegated to children’s and youth staff, who need support in this all-so-important task of making children feel safe. Give children and youth a seat at the table.
Second, as you prepare for the worship service, consider providing reasonable snacks and coloring pages for your children. Children get hungry and thirsty and a simple juice pack may provide the perfect solution. And as your children get a older, a coloring sheet can seamlessly transform into a note-taking sheet on which you teach your children what it looks like to jot down helpful notes from the sermon. (This habit can also serve as a great accountability for you, as the parent, to consistently take notes in church.) Remember, we want our kids to feel at home in worship services, and we want them to enjoy the experience. The snacks, coloring sheets, and cry rooms are all temporary as you steadily train your children to be a part of the gathered body.
Third, if your church has a Sunday school hour before or after the worship service, consider committing to that as a family. You all could become beneficiaries of the many attributes of the Christian education culture that your church has designed for you. It may feel like an extra commitment, but that commitment could lead to beautiful fruit for your family and church family.
Fourth, do not embark on this journey alone. Let’s say that you are a single mother with five children. Keeping those children with you in the service will be difficult at times. Some might say it will be impossible! However, your church exists to help. Consider attending the worship service together with members of your small group or Sunday school class who can assist you. This becomes especially helpful if you have to step out with one of the children. Let the church be the church in these instances so that you can see your family grow.
Fifth, slowly train your children by keeping them with you for certain portions of the worship service, such as the singing. As the final song comes to a close, you could then take them to children’s church or the nursery. Month by month, your children can be introduced to more of the service until attending the full service becomes the norm.
Finally, for a season, send your children to children’s church. Remember, that legalism is a dangerous inflection that spreads easily. God will not be angry with you for sending your kids to children’s church. Far from it! However, I believe that viewing it as a temporary solution is a healthy way to help your children mature in their faith and prevent them from becoming reliant upon specialized programing. It also prevents parents from viewing Sunday morning as a relaxed time away from children, a mentality that could contribute to an inward focused congregation that views their own comfort as more important than making disciples.
This entire conversation is less about preferences, less about the individual, and more about the health and perseverance of the entire congregation. May God bless you as you gather this Sunday to worship God together.
Frank Trimble has a passion for family ministry, ecclesiology, theology, and the Bible. He serves as the Director of Training and Consulting for Family Time Training based out of Littleton, CO. Frank earned his M.Div. from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in 2015 and is currently pursuing a D.Ed.Min. in Family Ministry from the same institution. If he isn’t at work or studying you can probably find him reading a Christian biography or exploring the Rocky Mountain National Park with his wife and two daughters.